You know that self reflection? That self focus that gives you a few minutes of escape from what is before you, your person's lifeless body, and allows you to focus on yourself, allows you to ask, how you are so lucky to still be here, allows you to think you need to change gears and express gratitude more, allows you to start planning a more focused life, allows you to question life and decide the best thing is to do away with it all, drink because tomorrow is not promised, allows you to think, do, believe, hope, escape...because whats infront of you, is not what you want to see.
Martha died.
Martha, my reference story for high school. She died. A whatsapp message popped up on the group and a few minutes later when it registered, the group was littered with RIP. Because thats how we are concluding things now. RIP. It's real emotions sitting on your shoulders, causing you to throw your head back and just scream on the inside because why are you making noise in the office. Maybe you're getting up off your desk and just walking around because, what is this? How should you even engage with it? RIP. Someone is going to post something totally unrelated in the group that breaks the shock momentarily before a late comer sees the announcement and restarts the RIP chain. Another brave one will break that one too.
I have tried several times to change the group picture. Maggie, its been what, a year? But I am not brave. And so it goes with death. The RIP's have stopped now. The body was buried and those who need to handle your affairs are having to face that everyday. The rest of us, shocked, then reflecting, acknowledging, then slowly separating ourselves from that one connection - not entirely, there are always pockets of reminders and connections here and there. We have moved on to the other things life is throwing at us, to handle them and keep going. We have forgotten that just the other day, we were reflecting on why we are still here, what we want to change, how grateful we should be and how focused we will be going forward.
