A toast to 2025, You came, you saw, you handed over (Written Dec 2025)

I have a very noisy neighbour tonight, I can hear every little bit of sound from their premises. I will not allow them to take my peace. 2025 has taken but also given, I am now, more than ever before, more aware, more acknowledging and even more forgiving of myself. Others? More accepting. Early on in 2025, my family and I received some very unwelcome news. My dad was diagnosed with stage IV cancer, a psychiatrist diagnosed my mom with alzeheimers and said to a still very hopeful audience of four, willing to try and do anything- "there is nothing more we can do, we just need to make her comfortable." I have never had to wear the brave face I had to wear that day. Same day for both diagnoses. I had asked for a few hours off work but had carried my laptop anyway to work in the waiting room. I knew, from that minute, that carrying the laptop to the waiting room with people who were reflecting on what the doctors would say, find, was unfair on them because then they worried about me and how I was missing work for them. How silly of me to be there but not really be there!

Anyway, In that hospital room in Nsambya, I walked up and down that whatever you want to call it where Mother Kevina stares at you right from the start of your walk til the end of it, thinking to myself that ahhh, it was too soon! After all the battles the two of them had fought, this was it? Mother Kevina has stared at us quite a bit this year. In the quiet moments at home, processing the days events, I saw myself discard the fear and wear gratefulness. It occured to me that with every thing that has happened in the many years of my fathers life, we have had ample time to do the most. I said to myself and to one of my sister later, that this, was another opportunity for us to show up and pour into our parents. This year, there has been an outpouring, more than usual. There is an army of us showing up for appointments, asking a million questions and looking for any unmanned areas to cover. It is nice to see, it is nice to be part of this opportunity to show up. There is an opportunity in the battles.

I met a man, on one of the hospital days. I was by the pharmarcy, staring out at the block opposite. "Hullo Josephine", he said. I turned, smiled, said hullo back. He asked what I was doing here, and I looked at him and said, "You look about my age so I suspect we are both here for the same reason. Is it your parents?" He laughed, "How did you know?! It's my mom actually, she has cancer." Yes, cancer, that terrible word. I gave my sympathies. He asked who I was here for, I mentioned both parents, he gave his sympathies. "How did you know what I was here for?" I explained to him what I see in the hospital at every visit. People my age, when I look around, have brought their parents to the hospital. It is our turn now, to do right by those who carried us all those years. I checked on him a while later, he had lost her. It is what it is. I am sorry, friend. I am truly sorry. I was taken back in time to a few years before. Cancer. This time, Mulago hospital. I had an aunt. She passed. A story for another day. Walking the corridors those last days, I bumped into a friend. Little Jane from my university days. I asked her who she was tending to. Her mom. She died before my aunt. Little Jane sent me a message that she wouldnt be coming back to the hospital. She was now making burial arrangements. I bumped into another friend. Who? Her mom. We buried my aunt. A few days later, I checked in with this friend. Her mom had lost the fight too. I struggle to go to that hospital. That wing...tears and wails, that rough squeak of the gurney bed on that winding way from the top floors.

I have a million things to be thankful for. 2025 has been for the parents. They are still here. My siblings and their ones and twos are all here, I am here, my ones and twos are here too. I have learnt my lessons around friendships and I have seen the friendships that were never to last fade, it happens quickly. I have also seen the ones that will last. I know now. There are some lingering friendships that are still deciding if they should be, we shall see. I turned a big age. There is such clarity with that. I do not have it in me to be pretentious about life, what it is and where I want it to go. I know where I am, I know where I am not afraid to go, I know where I do not want to go. I am more comfortbale with myself. I did this to myself, I caused that, I chose that, I failed you and myself here, I did good here and there. I know who or what I am doing things for. It is peaceful to be oh so comfortable with who you are. It can also be careless, watch out. I am watching.