Today

Today, a little more than yesterday, I admit,
I have been beaten, beaten and emptied of all ability to reach for hope
I feel stretched, my patience squeezed out same way you put garlic in foil, heat it and squeeze out the juice. They burned me until I was soft enough and then they tore me to shreds.

It shouldn't be like this.
No one should ever use, use and discard another human being.
The times are hard on us all, my conscience says this is the best time to show compassion
The devil though, lives among men

It is time. I know it is time.
I wonder though, where do we go from here and where does the new journey begin?
Hearts can fail, courage can play hide and seek
Hope...It is right there but I cannot reach it.

How are you holding up?
There is shame in the most honest answer now
How dare you steal the pity from the ones who badly need it
Who's to say that we do not all need attention, a shoulder and an ear that will not judge your truth?

I am not holding up at all.
I am tired
I am angry
I am frustrated
I am disappointed
I am worried.

To be Held

If the pieces of my heart should scatter at some point today
Know that I tried to keep them together.

There is a strange sensation in the core parts of my being
I feel exhaustion and emptiness,
But it is not the kind that takes away the ability to do
It is the kind that tears away at the layers of tape and allows the broken heart to crumble
My hands keep close to my side, perhaps there is something they can do
My chest tightens at each heart beat, it is afraid

I cannot remember what happened
Yesterday seemed like a day as any other
This morning, I stared at my phone and chose the blanket
Since then, it has been like this
Movements in the corridor to nowhere and back
No sense of time or action

Perhaps it is catching up with me,
The aloneness that I choose
It feels like it has acknowledged me
And now wants to show me what it means to truly be alone
I am afraid. Perhaps I lied to myself,
Perhaps I need to feel again, to be held.