To be Held

If the pieces of my heart should scatter at some point today
Know that I tried to keep them together.

There is a strange sensation in the core parts of my being
I feel exhaustion and emptiness,
But it is not the kind that takes away the ability to do
It is the kind that tears away at the layers of tape and allows the broken heart to crumble
My hands keep close to my side, perhaps there is something they can do
My chest tightens at each heart beat, it is afraid

I cannot remember what happened
Yesterday seemed like a day as any other
This morning, I stared at my phone and chose the blanket
Since then, it has been like this
Movements in the corridor to nowhere and back
No sense of time or action

Perhaps it is catching up with me,
The aloneness that I choose
It feels like it has acknowledged me
And now wants to show me what it means to truly be alone
I am afraid. Perhaps I lied to myself,
Perhaps I need to feel again, to be held.